cancer as a whole

  After my cancer meeting tonight I had a very overwhelming feeling of love.  I am coming up on my 6th year of battling a disease that has taken many that I love.  I often speak in front of different groups..they vary from a few,  to hundreds and sometimes thousands of people.  I got asked tonight, while speaking, if I ever feel like my battle is going to be over... My answer shocked/hurt the person asking (a 16 year old girl battling kidney cancer) "No.." Cancer is something, I have learned, will never leave my life.  Cancer has worn me thin, stomped my spirit at times and has made my life view become skewed.  Do I feel ashamed of having cancer? Not in any shape or form but I am burdened by the weight of guilt.  When does it get easier to be a survivor?  a fighter? I have no answer for that... My heart hurts for everyone who has lost the battle..to their families and loved ones.  My battle with cancer will never stop..it has been easier since I have stopped treatments but it will never end.  Telling a young woman that it will never end is disappointing to me.  I wish it was different.  Not only is it hurtful that a disease can and will take life but it will scare/disappoint everyone in its path.  I have been cursed and blessed to battle this disease.  The month of November in 2005 has forever changed my life. My treatments got harder and the pain become to the point of unbearable. I can remember thinking "is this something I can handle? can I do this? do I want to do this? When will the Lord let this pain subside?"  As with everything it passed and I have won one of the battles in a war that I almost lost.  I love having a family in the American Cancer Society.. I love being able to share my story throughout the United States and with others.  I sat there and looked around tonight.. saw my friends, people who are fighting for their lives, have beaten the disease and some who have lost loved ones..I couldn't help but think how amazing cancer has been in my life. It has given my strength, the knowledge that I can fight a disease and a spirit full of sunshine. Sometimes the hardest things in life, no matter how negative they are, can be a blessing in disguise. Keep everyone who fights in your thoughts..give some time to the ACS, give out more smiles, and remember life is SO amazing.